I’M THE SULTAN OF MULTAN

MultanBY VISHWAS HEATHCLIFF

I love the “Rule of Three” — one of the many gems from Hollywood flick American Pie. It refers to exaggerations in stories of romantic exploits. According to this rule, take the number of women that a man claims to have slept with and divide it by three. You get a correct figure. For women, the operation is multiplication rather than division.

Today we won’t talk about ladies; it’s your turn, guys — the braggart guys — who inflate facts about themselves just to appear more important than they deep down feel they are. The movie says the “rule” is an exact science, consistent as gravity.

However, not all guys exaggerate facts (I’m one of them, trust me!), but some do and each of us must have had them as friends, lovers or spouses.

These gasbags always boast about their exploits. When you ask these peacocks how many women they have dated in the past, they’ll come up with such hair-raising figures that will make you feel insignificant like a stray with incurable rashes all over the body (unless you have a healthy self-esteem or a girlfriend).

Similarly, if you ask a  boaster about his new jacket, he will immediately give birth to an uncle from Nairobi who “got it for him”. You will only laugh at the reply because you know the truth through a common friend:
he bought it from the flea market near the railway station.

Using handwriting analysis, we can spot such guys. Graphology says there is no single stroke that can reflect on the writer’s tendency to exaggerate: it is a combination of a few strokes. The two important ones are: inflated lower zone (pic A) and vulgarly embellished large signature (pic B).

If these features co-exist with low self-esteem, lying loops and head-in-the-air syndrome, you’ll have an incorrigible braggadocio who can go to any extent to be heard and considered significant by his friends.
If I were in America and I had all these strokes in my handwriting, I would have stood atop the Statue of Liberty one night with another torch in my hand and told my friends the next day with a swagger in my voice: “Guys, be jealous and perish. I had a one-night stand.” (Don’t you dare laugh!)

NO BUCKS, SO JOB SUCKS
You may have seen a TV ad of a job site, in which a man dressed as a cricketer washes clothes at a dhobi ghat. Apparently, the message is that many people are stuck in professions they hardly enjoy. They want to move, but very few of them can because they lack determination and will power. Anjali, who sent us her handwriting sample (pic C), is facing a similar problem. She’s been teaching yoga for the past few years, but she is extremely unhappy with the amount of financial success she has achieved. Her problem is multiplied by the difference of opinion with her spouse with whom she also has some unresolved sexual issues, because of which the mother of two is an irritable woman.

POP A PEN KILLER
Anjali,write “I will get going and have my way” on two sheets of ruled paper for 30 days (non-stop) with ruler-drawn margin of one inch on the left. Ensure your g’s and y’s are complete and your t’s are crossed well (pic D). This will improve your relationship with your husband and help you plan your career well. Also, write your full name legibly in your signature and underline it. Make sure the first letter of your name is big
(pic E). All the best, Anjali!

 

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One thought on “I’M THE SULTAN OF MULTAN

  1. Pingback: YOU LIKE PLANTER’S PUNCH OR SEX ON THE BEACH? « Write Choice

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